Hiei Cam
by The Sushi Slayer
Summary: *COMPLETE* Hiei gets a little camera happy...
1. Hiei Cam

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Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho, or practically anything else for that matter, so suing is kind of pointless.

AN: This will probably be a one shot, unless people really like it and want me to continue. The characters are way OOC, but it's fun to play with them. This was written in English class when I was really supposed to be writing a descriptive paper. gag, gag, choke, choke. Don't get me wrong, I love English class, but the scenarios we have to work with are so cheesy! So anyway, review and tell me if you like it!

::---::

**Hiei Cam**

Chapter One: Hiei Cam (couldn't think of anything else meh)

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::Yusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and Hiei are all camping out at Koenma's after a mission. Botan insisted that Yusuke and Kuwabara stay for a while and rest before returning to the living world. They reluctantly agreed.::

Hiei slunk through the dark, deserted halls. He had a camera in hand, and an evil grin on his face. He went up to a certain kitsune's door and switched the camera on. The camera showed the door, then swung around to show Hiei.

"It is now 4:55 in the morning, exactly five minutes before Kurama wakes up," he whispered in a totally fake British accent. He paused and looked around with shifty eyes, insinuating that it was very dangerous country. " Why does Kurama wake up so early?' you wonder. Well, you are about to find out on this exclusive Hiei Cam!" he said, still in that fake British accent.

The camera swung around again to show the door. Hiei's hand came into view as he silently turned the doorknob and swung the door open. The camera showed a room where almost everything was either pink or red, with a few hints of green and white here and there.

The camera swung around to show a sweatdropping Hiei. "Weird..." Hiei said, forgetting about his British accent. He composed himself and went back to his British accent. "Ok... now we are going to station ourselves so that this kitsune specimen doesn't see us when he wakes up."

The camera swung around again to show the view of the room. Hiei moved over to stand behind a Roman column in one of the corners, by the door to the bathroom. "It is now 4:59 and counting," Hiei whispered.

Suddenly, a dim light came on in a (guess what) pink hue and soft classical music started to play. Kurama slowly sat up in his French-looking four poster bed, yawned, and stretched. He threw back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed. He was wearing white silk pajamas. He slipped into his matching white silk slippers and stood up and stretched again. He started walking toward the camera and into the bathroom.

"Well... it seems that Kurama likes to wake up in a very... uh... _zen_ way..." Hiei whispered. He crept up to the wall beside the bathroom and half put the camera in, revealing a large room in the same color scheme as the bedroom. Kurama was standing in front of a huge, silver framed floor mirror with a silver hairbrush in hand. He held up the brush to his face and blew on the tip of it like those cowboys do with their pistols. Then he started to brush.

"One... two... three..." Kurama counted the brush strokes.

Hiei pulled the camera back around the corner and turned it so it faced him. "It seems as if the kitsune specimen is brushing his hair and is actually _counting_ the brush strokes one by one..." He put the camera back inside the opening of the door.

"... ten... eleven... twelve..." Kurama counted on.

Half an hour and a very disgruntled Hiei later...

"... nine thousand nine hundred and ninety eight... nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine... ten thousand!" Kurama exclaimed, tossing his hair over his shoulder and putting the hair brush down on the vanity (mahogany, pink marble top). He opened one of the drawers to the vanity and pulled out a single red rose. He lifted up the back of his hair and stuck it in.

"That should do it!" Kurama said and turned to walk out of the bathroom, only to see a camera pointed at him. He calmly turned around, grabbed the brush off the vanity, and turned to walk toward the camera again. He walked around the camera and out of its line of vision.

"Hiei!!" Kurama yelled. (Keep in mind, Kurama's yelling' isn't very loud, considering he's almost never angry)

Hiei had a deer and the headlights look for a moment, then turned the camera to show Kurama.

"Hiei! Turn that damned thing off! How long have you been sitting there?!" Kurama yelled again.

"It seems as if the kitsune specimen has discovered us..." Hiei said in the fake accent.

"_Kitsune specimen_? Turn that camera off, Hiei! Hiei!"

"Well, now that you've caught us, do you mind answering a couple of questions?"

"Hiei, I-"

Hiei cut him off. "Good. Now then, why do you spend so much time brushing your hair?"

"Well, because I always like to look my best, and" He shook his head. "Hiei, I think that camera's gone to your head. Besides, you're going to wear out all the batteries. You know Botan gave you that camera to tape missions. Now turn it off," Kurama said.

"No!" Hiei said, pulling the camera a little closer to him, as if to protect it.

Kurama tackled the camera and the last thing that was heard was Hiei's protesting as it went fuzzy.

::---::

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AN: Ok, I know that was kinda weird. But like I said, I was bored stiff in English class, and when I'm bored, I tend to write strange things. So review and tell me what you think, and if you want me to continue this. If not, I'll just keep it a short little one shot. Ja ne!


	2. Smile! You're on Hiei Camera!

Hiei Cam  
Authoress: Saturn Firefly  
  
Disclaimer: Me no own = you no sue. It's as easy as that, people!  
  
A/N: Ok, you people seem to really like this fic, so I guess I'll continue it. Plus, it's just so much fun to write! (Translation: I'm in English class again and bored out of my skull)  
  
  
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Hiei Cam  
  
Smile! You're on Hiei Camera!  
  
^_^  
  
  
The camera was fuzzy for a moment, then showed Hiei's face covered in little band-aids and bruises. He looked around with shifty eyes, then turned to the camera.  
  
Hello. I'm back with Hiei Cam, Hiei said, this time in a fake Australian accent. It has now been three days since the kitsune specimen broke the camera. But all's well now, I only got a few scratches... and I thought silver was a soft metal! Apparantly that's not the case with Kurama's hairbrush. Botan has gotten Yusuke and Kuwabara to stay a bit longer, considering they both got beaten up pretty bad. We are now outside his door in the dead hours of the night to see just how his hair stays slicked back- even during fights. What kind of hair gel does he use?!  
  
Hiei turned the camera around to show the spirit-detective's door. It showed a sign on it saying:  
  


Yusuke's Room. Keep Out.  
(This includes you and your camera, Hiei)  


  
Ooh... that's harsh, Hiei said. Oh, well! And with that, the door swung open and Hiei darted inside. The camera then showed a sign that was hanging from the ceiling. This one said:  
  


I told you to STAY OUT Hiei.  
Now slowly turn around and walk out the door  
and close it, and you won't be even more maimed.  


  
He acts like I can't be trusted... Hiei said in a mock tone of sadness, ignoring his accent. Hiei said, tearing down the sign, revealing a room much like Yusuke has at home, now we are going to search for his hair gel. Hiei moved over to the dresser. Aha! Here's a bottle of super glue! Wait... super glue? How in the world does he get this out? Oh, wait, here's a piece of paper. Hiei, I know you're going to come looking for my secret hair gel recipe, so here it is: I'M NOT TELLING!!! Ha ha ha!' Well, how rude! He should know better than that. We'll just have to do some good ol' spy work.  
  
The camera went blank.  
  
^_^  
  
The camera was fuzzy for a moment, then it focused on Hiei.  
  
Hiei said in a loud whisper (still in that fake Aussie accent). I have mounted the camera on the light fixture in Yusuke's room. It is out of sight if he happens to look up, but it catches everything that goes on. So, we should be able to tell what Yusuke does to his hair every morning. He should be waking up soon now, so I'll be leaving to protect my health and well being if he should happen to find me. Hiei walked out of view and the door made a sound as it closed just as Yusuke woke up.  
  
Yusuke sat up and stretched. He noticed a note at the end of his bed.  
  
Yusuke: I took it upon myself to look out for my health to leave  
without doing anything.  
-Hiei  
  
Well, good for him. He actually did something someone told him to do, Yusuke said. Now, time to do my hair!  
  
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A/N: Ok, I know that was short. Gomen nasi! But it's way past my beddie byes time (it's 3:30 AM) and I'm tired. Review, though, and I'll be nice in return and make the next chapter really long! But right now... can't... think... x_x


	3. Hide and Go Seek

Hiei Cam  
Authoress: Saturn Firefly  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. *sob*  
  
A/N: Wow... lots of people seem to like this fic. I've gotten 18 reviews already in a week... I haven't gotten that many reviews on my other two stories and they've been posted for longer than two months. I'm shocked.  
Sorry about the short chapter last time. I was really tired. I'll try and make this chapter a long one.  
Oh, and for those of you who are getting nosebleeds from me writing in English class when I'm supposed to be doing my work- I'm not writing in English class right now. I'm writing in American Studies!  
  
  
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Hiei Cam  
  
Hide and Go Seek  
  
  
^_^  
  
  
Hiei walked into the camera control room with Puu. Despite how he teased the little spirit monster, he was actually quite fond of him.  
  
I'm not going to miss out on this action. I've hooked up my trusty little camera up to the main security system here in the Reikai, so we can watch everything live from here, Hiei said to Puu. He switched on the screen, giving a clear view of Yusuke's room. Hiei rubbed his hands together. Let the fun begin! he said.  
  
^_^  
  
Yusuke tore the note off the end of his bed and threw it away. He walked into the bathroom and out of view from the camera, however running water could be heard.  
  
He came out of the bathroom with a glass of water in his hand and walked over to the dresser. He then picked up the bottle of super glue and put three drops of super glue into the glass of water. He poured the water/super glue mixture in another bottle that resembled an alcohol flask. He shook the bottle vigorously and then poured a little bit on his hand and rubbed it in his hair, slicking it back into his regular style.  
  
Helloooo, handsome! he said to himself into his mirror, smiling.  
  
^_^  
  
Hiei exclaimed. This is perfect blackmailing material! Hiei said to Puu. Now we wait until he leaves his room, and then we go and get the camera! Puu made a tisking noise, as if to scold Hiei for doing this to his master, but he had an amused gleam in his eyes like he was half way enjoying it.  
  
They watched as Yusuke walked out of his room, presumedly to go bug Koenma.  
  
Now, my friend, we get the tape! Hiei said as he switched the screen off. He walked out of the room and motioned for Puu to follow. The little spirit monster flew and landed on Hiei's head.  
  
Hey, c'mon, Puu. Get off. You know I have a reputation to keep! Hiei protested, looking cross-eyed at the top of his head, trying to see Puu. Puu made a noise that sounded like a laugh. Puu! Get off! Hiei said as he lifted Puu off his head. There, now, you just fly behind me like a good little... whatever you are, Hiei said.  
  
They reached Yusuke's room and ducked inside. Now then Puu, would you do me a big favor and fly up there and get the camera for me? Puu looked at Hiei for a moment before flying up to the light fixture where the camera was located. Puu tried to lift the camera, but he was not expecting it to be that heavy, and so he dropped it.  
  
Ahh! My precious tape! Hiei said, running and catching it. Phew! That was close! Can't have my blackmail material being destroyed.  
  
Hiei started to turn around and walk out the door, when he saw a very angry Yusuke.  
  
_What_ are you doing in _my_ room? Yusuke demanded. And what's with that camera? What are you up to, Hiei? Puu flew up on his head.  
  
Uh... I... I... I heard Puu in here... uh... scratching at the door... yeah!... and... and... I was letting him out, and I just happened to have this here camera because... because... Botan gave it to me to record missions, so I was just going to Koenma's to... ask for more batteries! Uh, yeah! Hiei stuttered.  
  
You're lying, Yusuke said. First of all, Puu was _not_ in my room, he was with you. Don't know why, cause you're such an idiot.  
  
Hiei protested.  
  
Yusuke went on, ignoring Hiei. And even if he was in here, he knows how to open doors. Second of all, Koenma's office is on the _other_ side of the building, so you wouldn't be walking by my room. And finally, that camera doesn't need batteries. Koenma's not as stupid as he looks. He made that camera so that it wouldn't need batteries, electricity, or charging.  
  
Oh! I think I hear my mother calling, so I'll talk to you later! Bye, Urameshi! Hiei said as he raced out the door at his amazing speed.  
  
Yusuke stood there, Puu still on his head. Poor Hiei, still under his mother's- hey wait! Yusuke ran out the door. You don't have a mother!!! he yelled, running after Hiei.  
  
  
^_^  
  
  
Hey, Koenma! Hiei said as he rounded the corner and into the young prince's office.  
  
Koenma looked up from his piles of paperwork. Hello, Hiei. What's the matter?  
  
Hiei ducked behind the vid-screen. Hey, listen, Koenma. If Yusuke comes in here looking for me, do me a favor and don't tell him where I am. Send him on a wild goose chase or something, ok?  
  
Sure, whatever, Koenma said as he went back to his paperwork.  
  
  
^_^  
  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Yusuke was still looking for the fire demon. Damn you, Hiei! I can't even sense your energy anywhere! I'm not playing hide and seek with you!  
  
Yusuke came into Koenma's office. Koenma! Have you seen that little flea Hiei anywhere?  
  
Once again, Koenma looked up from his work. Hello to you too... yeah, he's behind the vid-screen, he said as he went back to the work that seems to never end.  
  
Oooh, I'm going to get you for that one, Koenma. Lesson 1 for hiding from Urameshi: never leave it up to a toddler to hide you and shut up about it, Hiei grumbled under his breath.  
  
Yusuke walked over to where Hiei was curled up in the corner behind the vid-screen. HIEI!!! Did you get my secret hair gel recipe on that tape?  
  
Hiei said. Of course not! Why would I use this tape to black mail you?  
  
Hiei, give. me. the. camera, Yusuke hissed through his teeth while glaring at the crimson-eyed demon.  
  
No! Never! Hiei said, pulling the camera closer.  
  
Yusuke pretended to grab for the camera, but as Hiei turned to protect it, he snatched Hiei's precious sword away. Hiei, if you want to keep this sword, give me the tape. Or else I'll break it in half and tell Kurama that you broke your sword. Again.  
  
No! My sword! Please don't break it! If Kurama finds out that I broke another sword, he'll kill me! Hiei whimpered.  
  
Yusuke smirked. Ok, then. I'll make a trade. Your sword in exchange for that tape, Yusuke said.  
  
Hiei sniffled, eying his sword warily. Ok, but you give me my sword first.  
  
We'll hand them over at the same time on the count of three, Yusuke said.  
  
Fine, but I get to count, Hiei said.  
  
Can you even count that high? Yusuke said mockingly.  
  
Shut up. Ok, one... two... three! Hiei said, pushing the tape toward Yusuke and grabbing his sword.  
  
Yusuke dropped the tape on the ground and smashed it with his foot. There, now my secret hair gel recipe is still safe, because no one will believe you if you tell anyone, Yusuke said.  
  
Hiei stared at the tape in horror. My tape! I spent a lot of time on that documentary!  
  
Oh, well, Yusuke said over his shoulder as he walked out of the room.  
  
Koenma, George, and the other onies were all standing around, looking at either Yusuke or Hiei in shock. What was that all about? George asked.  
  
Hiei's been going around and taping people, Koenma replied. Oh, and Hiei? I'm really sorry about giving your hiding spot away, I guess I sort of forgot with all my paperwork and all.  
  
Heh. It's ok, that was a decoy tape. I was expecting something like that to happen, so when I was running from Urameshi, I switched the tapes, Hiei said triumphantly as he walked out the room.  
  
Koenma shook his head. As long as he doesn't tape me, I want to see that when he's done. It should be hilarious! And with that, he went back to his work.  
  
  
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A/N: So sorry it took so long for me to update! I've made it up to you with an extra long chapter. Next chapter I'll probably torment Kuwabara... (cackles evilly). I'm going to try to stay away from the hair thing... it's getting kind of old. Thank you for being so patient! Ja ne!


	4. Evil Spirits

Hiei Cam  
Authoress: Saturn Firefly  
  
Disclaimer: Insert standard disclaimer here (I really couldn't be bothered.)  
  
A/N: Here's yet another chapter of Hiei Cam. So sorry it took so long! This episode, we will be torturing Kuwabara! (Poor guy, I kinda feel sorry for him. He always gets picked on...)  
  
Oh, before I forget, someone reviewed and complained about how I described Kurama's room. I happen to know it's not all pink, so lighten up! This is an OOC story, ya know.  
  
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Hiei Cam  
  
Evil Spirits  
  
^_^  
  
Hiei sat in the middle of his room with the camera on his lap and three tapes by him, one blank one, one marked Kurama,' and one marked Yusuke.' He inserted the blank one into the camera.  
  
Now, the torture starts! Hiei exclaimed as he stood up. He held the camera up to show his face and then walked out of his room and down the hall. Now, for Part Three of my documentary... Kuwa-chan! Since Kuwabara's a pretty boring guy, we can't really observe his daily activities like Kurama, and he doesn't really do anything with his physical appearance, so I can't get any secret concoctions like Urameshi. So, we'll just have to booby-trap his room and watch him set them all off! Hiei smirked. Heh, heh. He keeps his door locked so that no one can get inside, and the lock's unpickable. I've tried. But! Never fear, for Hiei's here! I snuck the extra key from Koenma and made a copy! Hiei held up a little gold key in front of his face, and grinned evilly. Then he turned the camera to show Kuwabara's door.  
  
Heh, heh. Sorry, Kuwa-chan! You shouldn't have trusted that little toddler with your extra key... he said as he inserted the key into the lock. As Botan would say, Bingo! he muttered when the lock clicked. He swung the door open. It was much like his room back in the Ningenkai, with posters of the Reikai Tantai all over the walls.  
  
Hiei set the camera on a shelf, giving a wide view of the room. He disappeared for a moment, then came back with a huge black box marked Pranks for Bakas.' He rummaged around a bit, and then came up with a bunch of small discs. He held them up to the camera. These are musical discs. They play really creepy ghost-y music. I set them up around the room and place a sensor at the doorway, so when Kuwabara unlocks the door, it automatically starts to play, he explained. He proceeded to stick them in various places around the room and ran a wire through to each of them. The wire was then connected to a small sensor that was placed in the lock.  
  
Hiei went back to his Pranks for Bakas' box and rummaged around some more. He triumphantly pulled out a can of paint and held it up for the camera to see. Black paint! I paint the walls, ceiling, and the floor, so it looks like he walked into a different dimension. And he's such an idiot that he would believe it, too!  
  
After Hiei had painted all of the walls, the ceiling, and the floor black, he walked over to the camera. Now, for the grand finale. I will insert a frame right inside the door, so when Kuwabara walks through it, he'll feel those chills that he always gets when he feels spirits' around. He left the room and came back carrying a metal frame with what looked like a thin sheet of ice suspended in it. He carefully set it aside and picked up the box and carried it out of the room. He came back carrying a mini camera. These cameras are connected so I can get everything on tape. I would just hide the camera like last time, but people will start to get suspicious if I'm in the control room when Kuwabara starts to scream like a girl, so I'll just leave the mini in here. Of course, they'll probably suspect me anyway, but at least this way the tape won't be destroyed.  
  
Hiei fastened the mini camera to a corner in the ceiling where it was enveloped by the shadows. He went over to his precious camera and walked out of the room with it, returning to put the frame in the doorway, disable the light switch, and lock the door. Now the fun begins, Hiei stated with a smirk on his face. Kuwabara should be coming back in about five minutes. With that, he swiftly ran down the hall toward the safety of his room.  
  
^_^  
  
Kuwabara walked down the hall toward his room. He had spent the good part of the day trying to convince Shizuru that he wasn't trying to run out on his chores, but Botan was making everyone stay in the Reikai for a while. He just wanted to take a well deserved nap. He took out his little golden key as he reached his bedroom door and as he unlocked it, the creepy music started to play. Kuwabara paused for a minute. he said as he shook his head. Must be hearing things again... He opened the door to reveal what looked like an endless space. Kuwabara cautiously stepped through the door and froze, having walked through the frame in the doorway. Gah! The spirits have come for me! he yelled, his shrieks echoing through the large palace.  
  
Yusuke and Kurama were in Koenma's office when they heard Kuwabara yell. They looked at each other and nodded. they said in unison as they sprinted out the door.  
  
Kuwabara stepped back through the door and into the hall, slamming the door and leaning on it, breathing heavily. Yusuke and Kurama sprinted up to him. The spirits have invaded my room! They're out to get me! Kuwabara yelled at them.  
  
Yusuke said exasperatedly, pushing him aside. He opened the door and shined a flashlight inside. Knocking the frame over, he stepped inside and pinched his nose. Geeze, Kuwabara! Hiei painted everything black! Can't you smell the paint fumes?!  
  
Kuwabara face faulted, then composed himself. I knew it was Hiei all along. I just wanted to give you a scare, he said, sticking his nose up in the air.  
  
Yeah, sure... Yusuke said.  
  
Kurama smiled. I think I'll just go and find Hiei, he said as he walked off.  
  
Yusuke followed him, shaking his head and trying not to laugh at Kuwabara.  
  
^_^  
  
In his room, Hiei was laughing with mirth. That was... heh heh... that was priceless! he gasped, tears running down his face from laughing so hard. I'm glad I got this on tape! That look on Kuwabara's face! Ha! Hiei dissolved into another fit of laughter, so he didn't notice Kurama and Yusuke walk into the room, the latter of the two wearing a death glare.  
  
Yusuke yelled. Kurama merely stood aside, an amused look on his calm features.  
  
Hiei turned around, trying to hold in his laughter. I see you... heh heh... found my little... heh heh... prank? he asked, now hiccupping from his failed attempts to stop laughing.  
  
And I suppose you got it all on tape, ne? Yusuke asked, voice lowered, but a vein popping dangerously on his forehead.  
  
Hiei made a mock face of betrayal. Who, me?  
  
Yusuke glared at him, and Kurama was still off to the side, actually looking like he was trying not to laugh.  
  
Oh, come on, Urameshi, don't get your boxers in a wad. You're going to thank me someday when we all watch these videos and get a good laugh, Hiei said.  
  
Yusuke just huffed and walked out of the room.  
  
Three... two... one... Hiei counted.  
  
Yusuke stuck his head back into the room. Was it really funny? he asked, a semi sheepish look on his face.  
  
Hiei broke out in a grin. Oh yeah! The look on his face was priceless!  
  
Hiei inserted the tape into the VCR he had in his room, and the three boys dissolved into fits of laughter.  
  
Kuwabara stormed into the room, looking more than a little peeved. What are you guys laughing at?! he all but yelled, silencing their laughs. They all slowly turned their heads toward Kuwabara.  
  
Hey, Kuwabara! What's up? Yusuke asked. Any more spirits try to attack you? And with that, they all snickered, save Kuwabara.  
  
For your information, I wasn't really scared, Kuwabara said disbelievingly.  
  
Sure you weren't, Hiei said, rolling his crimson eyes. Just wait until I send a copy of this to Yukina! She'll get a kick out of it!  
  
Yusuke snickered, and Kurama went back to the calm, impassive look, but he still had an amused gleam in his eyes.  
  
Kuwabara stared at Hiei in horror. You wouldn't-  
  
Oh, I think I would, Kuwa-chan! Everyone knows Yukina hasn't had her share of laughs, and I think this will just about do it! Hiei said, waving the tape in the air mockingly.  
  
Give that! Kuwabara said, making a swipe for the tape.  
  
Say please, Hiei said in a sing-song voice.  
  
Just give me the damn tape, Hiei, Kuwabara said, again making a swipe at the tape, but Hiei was too fast. (A/N: Duh! He's Hiei)  
  
Ya want it? Go and get it! Hiei said, throwing the tape out into the hall. Kuwabara charged for it, and Hiei was waiting in turn to slam the door in Kuwabara's face when he turned around to come back in.  
  
Hey, open this door, you little shrimp! You scared of me? Well, you should be, cause when I get through with you, you're tiny little brain's going to be bashed out! Kuwabara yelled through the door.  
  
Hiei shook his head. Poor thing. He must have gotten dropped when he was a small child and it knocked something loose up there. Oh, well. Who wants to watch the copy?  
  
And with that, Kurama, Yusuke, and Hiei turned back to the screen to watch Kuwabara's little escapade with the spirits,' ignoring Kuwabara yelling himself hoarse outside the door.  
  
  
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A/N: Yay! I have Chapter 4 completed! (Finally) So sorry it took so long. Next up will be either Koenma or Botan, but don't expect the next chapter for a couple of weeks or so. I've been busy, and I can't decide on how to torture them. So many possibilities! *evil cackle* So, as always, please review and tell me what you think. Thank you all who have reviewed already!


	5. Hats and Hair

Hiei Cam  
Authoress: Saturn Firefly  
  
Disclaimer:  
_Head Judge:_ Saturn Firefly, do you solemnly swear that you don't own Yu Yu Hakusho?  
_Saturn Firefly:_ *looks warily at lawyers* Y-yes...  
_Head Judge:_ And you won't stalk the Reikai Tantai anymore?  
_Saturn Firefly:_ *looks over at the nervous members of the Reikai Tantai* Maybe...  
_Head Judge:_ Security!!!  
_Saturn Firefly:_ *carried away by security to be put in an asylum* Ok, ok! I won't stalk them anymore!  
  
A/N: So sorry it's been so long since I updated! I've been having a major writer's block on this story, don't know why. I'll try to make this a long chapter, but don't count on anything. This chapter, we document Koenma! *evil laugh*  
  
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Hiei Cam  
  
Hats and Hair  
  
^_^  
  
Hiei sat in his room with the door locked because Kurama was standing outside, ready to intercept him in case he tried to do anymore documentaries.'  
  
He had a special shelf built to hold his collection of tapes- currently three.  
  
He was putting a blank tape in his beloved camera. Once he was done, he held the camera up to his face. Now today, we're going to capture the exciting life of Koenma. Our main question- why does the Koenma brat always wear that huge hat? I wonder if he's bald...? He paused his speech to snicker. Ok, then. Kurama's outside my door, keeping guard in case I decide to go out. But, he leaves from time to time to eat and stuff, and he leaves at night to sleep. Bad move. The first night he was gone, I snuck out to the Makai so I could get some rations. I can live in my room for weeks! So tonight, we're going to sneak out and give Koenma a little visit, he said with an evil grin.  
  
He turned the camera off and set to work on preparing the things he would need. String, gum, pre-sharpened pencils, thumb tacks, and various other things.  
  
Now, little prince, beware! he exclaimed.  
  
^_^  
  
Later that night, Hiei was in his room, camera in hand. He had his eye pressed to the key hole in the door, watching Kurama. Kurama was getting very tired, and kept yawning and fighting his eyes to stay open. After a few minutes, he threw up his arms in subordination and started wandering down the hall toward his room.  
  
Now I'll just wait for a half hour or so, and begin my hunt, Hiei whispered.  
  
Half an hour later, Hiei opened his door with a soft click. He looked around to make sure that no one was there and then darted down the hall toward Koenma's office, camera on.  
  
When he got there, he saw Koenma closing the massive door and locking it while talking to George. Hiei ducked behind the corner so they wouldn't see them.  
  
...and you make sure that you stay by my door and guard it, ok, George? Kurama told me that he thought he heard Hiei mumbling something about striking tonight, and I don't want to be targeted, the young prince said.  
  
Yes, sir, George replied, nodding his head.  
  
Hiei silently laughed. Georgie-boy, you don't stand a chance against the wrath of Hiei, he said under his breath.  
  
Koenma and George walked off down the hall toward Koenma's quarters. They were completely oblivious to the fire demon following in silent pursuit.  
  
When they got to Koenma's huge wing of the castle, Koenma went inside, making George promise once again that he would guard the door.  
  
George sat down and cradled his head in his arms. He slowly closed his eyes and went into a light sleep.  
  
Show time, Hiei said as he placed the camera in the middle of the hall. He went up to George and placed a damp cloth over his nose and mouth and waited until his head lolled to the side. Sweet dreams, little oni, Hiei snickered. He picked up the camera and advanced toward the floor-to-ceiling doors.  
  
Hiei swung the colossal doors open and gasped in surprise. Damn, he has his own castle in here! he said.  
  
The room was like a circular foyer, with a stained glass dome. The room stretched up for two stories, with a golden spiral staircase in the center. A platform spanned across from the landing of the stairs to the second floor. The walls were lined with panels, showing painted landscapes of the Makai. On one of them, there was a lady with a striking resemblance to Botan holding a bouquet of flowers and looking down at them. Along the far half of the room, ornate benches covered with fine silk covered the first three feet or so of the wall. The floor was covered in plush velvet. Some of the panels were movable, leading to different rooms of the downstairs.  
  
Hiei stood transfixed. It was so peaceful; he wondered why Koenma spent so much of his time in his office instead of here. He saw out of the corner of his eye a chibi Koenma, toddling down the walkway to the stairs, clad in light green pajamas and one of those stocking caps that people used to wear to bed. (A/N: Kawaii!) His eyes were half closed and he was yawning every couple of feet.  
  
Hiei slunk into the shadows. Koenma walked through one of the doors and came back a couple of minutes later carrying a glass of water. He ascended the stairs, and Hiei followed, keeping a safe distance.  
  
Koenma toddled down many winding halls, and Hiei was beginning to wonder if he was lost from fatigue. They finally came to a set of doors that Koenma pushed open, revealing a room much like the foyer, only rectangular instead of round. The bed was a huge four poster, made of dark wood that was balanced with light khaki colored bed linens and canopy. There was a dusty sage green quilt folded neatly on the foot of the bed. The rest of the furniture was in the same wood tone as the bed, and the room in whole was decorated in earth tones. The same painting of Botan' that was in the foyer was hanging above the bed in a smaller size.  
  
Hiei waited for Koenma to get into bed and fall asleep, which wasn't very long, before entering the room and setting everything up. He took out a piece of gum and started chewing slowly. When it got to the right texture, he stuck it on the long piece of string and attached a paper clip bent like a hook to the gum. Silently, he put the string over one of the rungs of the canopy to act like a pulley effect. He left it there for a moment while putting the camera on the dresser to get a perfect view of the bed. Time to go fishing, he said, then went back to the end of the string and started to slowly lower it toward Koenma's tiny sleeping figure.   
  
When the paper clip hook caught on to the end of the hat, Hiei slowly pulled it up. Now, for the moment of truth! he said, then gasped as long, chocolate brown tresses protruded from underneath the hat.  
  
Damn... he has better hair than Kurama! Hiei exclaimed.  
  
Koenma started to wake up. When he felt the hair around his face, he sat up with a start. My hat! he yelled. When he saw Hiei, who was grounded to the spot in shock, he started shouting out a string of curse words in solid Japanese that would make Yusuke cringe.  
  
Hiei, you better have a very good explanation for this, he said as he glared at the fire demon with all his worth.  
  
You... you have... long hair! Hiei said with wide eyes.  
  
Koenma snatched back his cap, curled up his hair bee hive style, and jammed the hat back on his head. Yeah, you have a problem with that?  
  
Well, I always thought you wore that stupid hat because you were bald or something... why do you wear it anyway? Hiei asked.  
  
My father won't let me cut it, so I hide it with a hat, Koenma explained like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
Well, yeah, but why would you want to hide it? It's better than Kurama's! Hiei said.  
  
And look where Kurama's hair got him! Everyone thinks he's a she! I don't want to look like a girl! Koenma said.  
  
Hiei looked at him with a flat look. That's your reason?  
  
Koenma looked at him through the corner of his eye. And I look absolutely adorable in hats!  
  
Hiei sweatdropped. Ok, then, I'll just be letting myself out now, he said, edging toward the door, discreetly picking up his camera and putting it behind his back.  
  
Ok, Hiei, Koenma said with a yawn. Hey! Wait! Did you get that on tape? Hiei? Hiei!!!!!  
  
But Hiei was already racing out the door.  
  
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A/N: Yay! I finally have chapter five done! Review and tell me what you think! And a BIG thank you to all of you who have reviewed. There's nothing like reviews to get me writing! Next chapter, it's Botan's turn!!  
  
Oh, and to Demented Fairy Girl, I know that Hiei has a mother, Hina, but she's not around and taking care of him anymore, so what I meant for Yusuke to mean was that Hina couldn't be calling for him, because she's kinda not there.  
  
Thank you for all of your support! Ja ne!


	6. Enter: Botan

Hiei Cam  
Authoress: Saturn Firefly  
  
Disclaimer: Figure it out yourself already...  
  
A/N: I'm in such a good mood! Spring has finally come, the birds are chirping, and everything's turning green. Plus, Rurouni Kenshin has premiered, there's new episodes of DBZ, and they're playing into new episodes of Yu Yu Hakusho! Nothing can dampen my spirits! So, here I am with the new chapter of Hiei Cam! Enjoy!  
  
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Hiei Cam  
  
Enter: Botan  
  
  
^_^  
  
  
Once again, Hiei was sitting in his room, camera and blank tape by his side. The shelf where he kept his precious documentaries, however, was empty. He inserted the blank tape in the camera and switched it on.  
  
Hello. Hiei here, he chirped into the camera. It's been a couple of days since we found out about Koenma's little secret. I've hidden the tapes- can't say where- cause Koenma is out to get me. I'm not worried about him, though. Today is Botan's lucky day! On this episode of Hiei Cam, we find out where her oar goes when it disappears. This one should be tricky, because I have no idea if it just turns invisible or if it's transmitted somewhere. But don't worry, for I am Hiei! He struck a super hero pose. I conquer all!  
  
He dropped his pose. So, I plan to catch Botan off guard. I'll create some trouble on the other side of Reikai and tell her, and she'll be forced to fly. I'll place a transmitter on her oar so I can keep track of it. Then, I run over at my incredible super speed and beat her there. She won't know I'm there, of course. When she gets there, she loses her oar, and I know where it is because of the transmitter! So, here we go!  
  
Hiei grinned evilly and the camera went blank.  
  
^_^  
  
Hiei walked down the hall whistling merrily. When he got to Koenma's office, he put on a look of panic and threw the doors open. he yelled.  
  
Botan and Koenma alarmingly looked up from the argument they were having over whether or not a spirit was allowed to go back to the living world.  
  
Botan asked.  
  
Hiei panted, grinning inwardly. Some spirits have gotten loose from hell and are causing trouble over in the gardens. Better get over there- and quick! They're destroying all the lavender!  
  
Botan nodded. I'm on it! she said, and conjured up her oar. Using his lightning fast speed, Hiei dashed over and slapped a tiny blinking light on the underside of the oar and was back in his original place without anyone noticing.  
  
Botan hopped on her oar and flew out in a blur.  
  
Koenma just smiled, picked up his stamp, and slammed it down on the paper. Case closed. he said. I win!  
  
Hiei shook his head. Shame, shame. Taking advantage of her like that... well, I'll just be off, Hiei said, and left the room.  
  
Hiei raced over to the gardens. He stood at the edge and nodded approvingly. He had let loose a couple of spirits and asked them to cause some havoc. They were doing a good job of it, too. They had torn up all the flowers and herbs and were now working on Botan's prized vegetable garden. He would pay dearly for this, but hey, he had a documentary to make.  
  
Botan came riding in on her oar, a look of shear anger on her face. Hiei cringed. He so did not look forward to when she found out that he had caused this. Her lips were pursed in a thin line, and her pink eyes were practically boiling.  
  
She landed with a soft thud, and sure enough, her oar disappeared. Hiei whipped out his tracking device and started to follow the tiny map on the screen, being sure to stay out of Botan's line of vision. The red dot on the screen showed the oar being someplace inside the massive castle. He followed the map, winding down the endless halls, not noticing when he bumped into an oni scurrying to get all the work done.  
  
He reached a double set of doors deep in the center of the castle. He put the device in his pocket and lifted the camera off its perch on his shoulder.  
  
Well, here we are. The device says that the oar is beyond these doors. Do we dare venture inside? Hiei asked quietly. He paused for a moment, then reached for the large brazen handles. We do! he said and pushed the heavy doors open to reveal a large room. Hiei's crimson eyes widened. The walls were made of glass display cases. Inside the cases were thousands of oars, all on stands with tiny lights hanging above them, illuminating them. Each stand had a gold name plate on it declaring which oar belonged to who. Oars were appearing and disappearing like crazy, obviously to leave or attend their masters. Hiei stared in awe before looking around, trying to find Botan's name.  
  
Ah, here we are, our favorite little fairy girl's place. And sure enough, here's her oar, Hiei said. As soon as he said this, the oar disappeared. Well, we better be heading out of here. It would seem as though our little Botan has finished with those _awful_ spirits... he snickered.  
  
As he started out the door, a very angry Botan almost collided with him. she yelled as she landed behind him, and smacked him on the head with her beloved transportation device/weapon.  
  
Yes, my dear? Hiei said in a mocking tone of voice, turning to face her.  
  
Boy, if looks could kill...  
  
Hiei, what do you think you're doing?! she fumed.  
  
Why, I was just walking through the palace, daydreaming, and I just happened to come upon this magnificent place, he said, gesturing at the room around him.  
  
Botan just glared.  
  
Hiei shrunk back a bit, mentally slapping himself for being so weak.  
  
Hiei, I gave you that camera to tape _missions,_ not to go around and invading in people's lives!!! she yelled at him, causing him to shy away from her even more. And I bet you let those spirits loose on purpose! Do you know how much damage they did to my garden?!  
  
Hiei turned the camera to face him. I told you I would pay dearly for this. And now, my dear, dear friends, this may be the last you ever see of me, for Botan here just might murder me-  
  
He was interrupted by Botan snatching the camera away from him and turning it off. Oooh, Hiei, you are going to pay... first off, you are going to go out to that garden and clean it up exactly the way it was before. Second, I'm going to take this camera away from you. I thought you could handle it, but apparently not. You disappoint me, Hiei. I guess I'll just have to hand it over to Kuwabara... she said, knowing that mentioning Kuwabara being able to handle things better than him would hurt his pride.  
  
Hiei's eyes widened. No- wait! Botan! I'm sorry! I can handle it! I promise I won't use it unless I'm supposed to! Please! I'm a lot better than that baka human!  
  
Botan turned her back on Hiei. Now she was wishing she had this on tape. She smiled inwardly. Hiei, the great' fire demon was pleading to her. Now this would be great blackmailing material if she ever saw it.  
  
Nope, you had your chance, Hiei. Actually, you've had four chances. Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Koenma... she ticked them off on her fingers, back still to Hiei. To her surprise, Hiei marched around her so he was facing her.  
  
Hiei asked.  
  
Botan sighed, eyes softening. Alright, Hiei. Just this once, though, got it? And you're still helping me replant that garden!  
  
Her eyes widened as Hiei went up and hugged her around her waist, much like a child would do to their parent or older sibling.  
  
Thank you... he whispered.  
  
Hiei smiled to himself. He was such a genius. He knew that Botan had a soft spot for apologies, especially to people who don't usually apologize, such as himself. As he went up and hugged the fairy girl, he could feel and sense her surprise. He grabbed the camera away from her hand.  
  
he yelled, and ran from the room, cackling evilly.  
  
Botan gasped in surprise, her shock quickly turning into full-fledged anger. Why you... she said through clenched teeth.  
  
She conjured up her oar once again and went soaring through the palace, knocking onis over left and right in her wake.  
  
  
  
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A/N: So, there you go, the last person to be tortured... I'll be wrapping up this story in a couple of chapters or so, so watch this space! And reviews are always nice. Ja ne!


	7. Reruns

Hiei Cam  
Authoress: Saturn Firefly  
  
  
Disclaimer:  
Me: *sitting in front of hypnotist*  
  
Hypnotist: *waving watch back and forth* I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho...  
  
Me: *swirly eyes* I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho...  
Hypnotist: I will not follow the Reikai Tantai everywhere...  
  
Me: I will not follow the Reikai Tantai everywhere...  
  
Hypnotist: I will not kidnap Koenma and hold him ransom to get ownership of the Urameshi Team...  
  
Me: I will not kidnap Koenma and hold him ransom to get ownership of the Urameshi Team...  
  
Hypnotist: *claps hands*  
  
Me: *wakes up*  
  
Hypnotist: Do you own Yu Yu Hakusho or the Tantai?  
  
Me: *grins* Yep!  
  
Hypnotist: *screams and runs away in frustration*  
  
Me: *shakes head* They're too easy... that's the fifth one this week! And yes, I know I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, I just like putting as many people in nut houses as possible! I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!! *looks at all of the people giving me strange looks* Ahem.  
  
  
A/N: I am so sorry I haven't updated for so long... I'm still alive! (Barely) I'm being escorted to the doctor's practically every day for my acid reflux and migraine problems, and I'll probably have to get one of those indoscope things shoved down my throat again so they know what's going on in my stomach. My mother was just hospitalized for her migraines... it really sucked. They poke you with a million needles and IVs, and then they pump medicine in them that probably eats away at the inside of your veins... I hope they don't burst anytime soon. Well, you've probably stopped reading this by know... if you're still reading, you're either really amazed by the pain of other people (which is kind of scary), or you feel sorry for me... (feel free to review and make me feel better!) So enough with my problems. Read on!  
  
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Hiei Cam  
  
Chapter 7: (Finally!) Reruns  
  
  
^_^  
  
  
*One year later...*  
  
  
Hiei walked along the unusually empty halls of the Reikai, whistling to himself. I wonder why this place is so quiet? he thought.  
  
Suddenly, Botan came streaming down the hall toward Hiei on her oar, stopping just inches within colliding with him.  
  
Hey! Watch where you're going on that thing! Hiei yelled, and stocked around her.  
  
Wait, Hiei! You... might want to hear this... Botan said.  
  
What is it? Hiei said in his usual bad mood tone of voice.  
  
Well... the boys sort of went on a mission without you... and they're just coming back, Botan said, bracing herself for what was to follow.  
  
They WHAT?! Hiei exclaimed, preparing to speed off in search of his friends.  
  
Wait, Hiei! That's not it. They're already back, but they seem to have had a run in with Makuro. She had a message for you. I was just coming to tell you that you had better go and see what it is, it seemed kind of urgent...  
  
Hiei sighed. Where are they? he asked wearily.  
  
They're in Koenma's office with Yukina. They got pretty battered up, so she's healing them, Botan informed.  
  
Well, of course they got beat up. I keep saying to myself that they should just let me do all the fighting... he said, walking off.  
  
Botan smiled. Yes, of course, Hiei...  
  
  
^_^  
  
  
Yusuke stretched as Yukina got done healing a nasty cut on his head. Thanks, Yukina. So, he said, turning to the other two. How do you think Hiei's going to react?  
  
I don't know, Kurama said, shaking his head. He'll either blow up or take it really well... I hope it's the latter, though.  
  
Yeah, me too, Koenma said. Whenever he gets mad, the whole Reikai suffers... he said, thinking back to the time when Hiei's ramen noodles got overcooked in the microwave. It took months to fix the kitchen and the adjoining rooms after he pulverized them...  
  
The giant double doors slammed open as Hiei stormed into the room. I can't believe you went without me! he said, sounding more like a pouty kid than an angry fire demon.  
  
Sorry, Hiei. Botan found us and said it was urgent, and we couldn't find you anywhere, Kurama said sympathetically.  
  
Hiei snorted. Fine. What's the message?  
  
Yusuke looked from Hiei to Koenma, who gulped and nodded. Yusuke let out a forced laugh. Well, you see...  
  
Spit it out already.  
  
Makuro... said... thatifyoudon'tgobacktoherpalacebysunsetshe'snevergoingtoletyouinherterritoryagain, Yusuke said, bracing himself for the worst.  
  
Hiei looked at him quizzically. What? I didn't catch all that...  
  
Kurama sighed. What Yusuke said was that Makuro told us to inform you that if you aren't back in her palace by sunset, she won't allow you in her territory again.  
  
Hiei gave everyone a flat look. She said that, did she? That's interesting...  
  
Koenma stiffened in his chair. So, Hiei, what are you going to do?  
  
Hiei looked at him, making the young prince tremble.   
  
Yusuke, Koenma, and Kuwabara said in unison.  
  
What is there to do? I'm not her little servant that does everything she tells me to, and to tell you the truth, I'm getting kind of fed up with her. She's lucky she's still alive, Hiei said.  
  
Hiei... are you sure this is what you want? Kurama asked.  
  
It was fun while it lasted, but working for people like Makuro just isn't my style, Hiei responded. But forget about that. What was the mission, anyway?  
  
The usual... evil demon, stolen artifacts, we needed to get them back or the world would be destroyed, Yusuke said breezily.  
  
Ok, so I didn't miss anything exciting, right? Hiei asked.  
  
Nothing much. Oh, Kuwabara did scream like a girl when a water droplet fell on his head and he thought the demons were attacking, Yusuke said.  
  
Hey! You promised you wouldn't tell! Kuwabara protested.  
  
I said I wouldn't tell _Yukina_... oops. You didn't hear that, Yukina! Yusuke said.  
  
Yukina just laughed. Well, if you are all alright, I had better be heading back. I'll see you later! she said, and exited the room.  
  
Goodbye, Yukina, my love! Kuwabara called after her.  
  
Hiei placed his hand on the hilt of his sword, but willed himself not to slice Kuwabara into little tiny pieces.  
  
Hey, Hiei... you remember that camera fetish you had a year ago? Yusuke asked.  
  
Hiei smiled in bliss. Ah, yes. How could I forget?  
  
Yeah, well, anyway, do you still have the tapes?  
  
Hiei answered cautiously, glancing warily at the Tantai leader.  
  
Yusuke smirked. Don't worry. I'm not after your precious tapes. I was just wondering if you would want to get everyone and watch them. It'd be kind of nice to laugh at something around here...  
  
Hiei slammed his fist into his palm, causing everyone to jump and slowly edge away from him. That's a great idea! You get everyone here, and I'll go retrieve them! he yelled excitedly, and ran out of the room.  
  
Oh... kay... Yusuke said.   
  
  
^_^  
  
  
Moments later, the Tantai, Koenma, George and all the onis, Botan and all of her ferry friends, Keiko, Shizuru, and Yukina, who had been coaxed into coming back by Kuwabara, were all crowded around the vid-screen in Koenma's home theater.  
  
Hiei stood in front of all of them and cleared his throat.  
  
Oh, boy, Yusuke said. Everyone better get comfortable, he's prepared a speech...  
  
Shut up, Urameshi, Hiei said. He turned to the rest of his audience. Welcome, all you inferiors, to this exclusive Hiei Cam production. At my personal expense, I have video taped Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara, Koenma, and Botan. I hope you enjoy. If not, pretend to, or you'll be in great pain. First, we have Kurama's morning habits. Believe it or not, he spends about half an hour brushing his hair. I'll fast forward through the more boring parts, don't worry, he said, scanning the slightly uneasy looks of everyone.  
  
Thank... me! Koenma said. Ha ha, get it? I was going to say thank the lord's son,' but since that's me, I said, Thank me!' Get it? Ha! I crack myself up!  
  
Hiei shot the young prince a dirty look, but went on. Second, I have captured Yusuke making his secret hair gel concoction. He actually uses super glue in it.  
  
Hey! I wrecked that tape! You can't show it, Yusuke protested.  
  
Hiei smirked. You think I'm stupid? That was a blank tape, he said, watching in satisfaction as Yusuke's mouth gaped open. Thirdly, I have prepared a very funny tape of Kuwabara setting off traps that made him believe he had paranormal activity going on right in his room. That one is personally my favorite... he trailed off.  
  
Kuwabara just scowled.  
  
Then, I have answered the question as to why Koenma wears that stupid hat of his. Plus, we get a grand tour of his living quarters, which I must admit are quite nice... Hiei said.  
  
Koenma crossed his arms and joined Kuwabara in pouting. He had given up long ago trying to get Hiei to do what he wanted.  
  
And last and probably least-  
  
Hiei was cut off by Botan. Hey! I am just as important as the rest of them! In fact, probably more important! Where would you all be without me? Yusuke, you would probably still be dead, Kurama and Hiei, you would be rotting away in the Reikai prison, Kuwabara, you wouldn't even know Yukina, and you, Koenma, probably wouldn't be in charge of as much as you are because I save your hide from your father practically every day!! she yelled.  
  
Everyone sweatdropped.  
  
Ok... then... last, but _certainly not_ least, I have found where Botan and the rest of the ferry people keep their oars when they disappear. So sit back, laugh, and enjoy this exclusive Hiei Cam production. And like I said before, if you don't laugh, you die. So, let the films begin! Hiei said, and with a swoop of his hand, the lights went dark and the screen lit up.  
  
Everybody ooh-ed and ahh-ed at Hiei's cunning skills with the camera. And if you listened really carefully, you could hear the uncontrolled laughter flying through the wind in all three worlds.  
  
~OWARI~  
  
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A/N: I just wanted to thank every single one of my reviewers for their support. I didn't always update regularly, but you still stayed with me. That really means a lot. Thank you.  
And again, I am SOOO sorry it took me this long to get this out. But here it is, done. And though I'm happy to have it over with, I'm a little sad it ended so soon. Maybe I'll make a sequel... Well, tell me what you think, and if I get enough reviews, I might just make one. Ja ne!


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